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Bishops of Bastard Issue 12
Bishops of Bastard #12 was drawn and colored by the series creator Darnell Deepwell and written by Mickey Random. __TOC__ Plot The traitor is none other than the Bastard’s most trusted espionage agent, Julio, who delivers the Arch Bishop into the hands of Def and his whores with a kiss. The Bastard is both confused and awe-struck and demands Julio to tell him why Julio betrayed him. Julio simply answers that he likes having anal sex with Def. Masked Bastard is taken, bound with rope, to the server domain Mental Ward Rehab where he comes face-to-face with Dr. Fap. Dr. Fap is a crossed-eye obese fellow in black who has a yellow, rubber prosthetic fist for a right hand and two band aids forming an X on his forehead (from when he was kicked by a donkey after trying to put his finger into the donkey’s anus). Dr. Fap tells the Arch Bishop that the Church of Fatherless Time will soon be destroyed. The Bastard promises to wipe out Fap and the Ward. Back at the Church, Sadie is alarmed to see that protrusions are growing on the child’s forehead. Sadie believes that the protrusions are the start of devil horns like Def’s, but Magda is not really certain of this. Mr. R Mcgeddon returns to the Church to makes amends with Marge and tell her how he and Judge Blumberg tracked Julio to the warehouse where Def and his whores were. Even though the Arch Bishop has been captured, Denizen Mouse gives a fiery sermon about the destruction of the Ward and Dr. Fap. Masked Bastard is cuffed to a wall in “time out” awaiting his fate, when Anonymous appears and gives him the power of “Anonymity”. Dr. Fap and Def return to find the Bastard free of his bonds and his Mask. Def covers his eyes from the power of anonymity while Dr. Fap is killed when his head explodes. Def finds the Bastard’s mask on the floor and wants to sell it to Eat My Fornicate (to get back the money he gave to Eat as a gift). Def is the new webmaster of Mental Ward Rehab and orders Eat My Fornicate and iRobucket to destroy the Holy father Church and to meet him at the warehouse where the Bastard was betrayed. The Arch Bishop, without his mask and his cassock, finds a black helmet on Def’s work table and wears it to cover his face. Anonymous warns the Bastard that Eat My Fornicate and iRobucket are about to destroy the Church. Julio helps Eat My Fornicate and iRobucket by entering the Church to distract the others so that Eat My Fornicate and iRobucket can attack. But the aliens arrange for a site-to-site transfer before Def’s whores can attack. The Arch Bishop questions Anonymous about his own origin, to which Anonymous plainly tells the Bastard that his mother “had sex”. Magda is at the Altar of Bastard praying for the child, for his condition is getting worse. Marge confesses to Sadie that she loves Sadie, but Sadie sees Marge as a “spiritual sister” and not as a lesbian lover. By morning, the Bastard reaches a truck stop and hotwires an abandoned 18-wheeler only to find that Def and Eat My Fornicate are chasing Linz Mondello (Linzy from the year 2011). The Bastard cuts them off and rams the tractor trailer into Def’s sports car, seemingly killing Def. But Def emerges from the flames more powerful than ever and incapacitates the Arch Bishop. Back at the Church, Mystique B and Denizen Mouse are alarmed to find that the entire Church compound has been teleported to a floating platform high above the ground. Mr. R Mcgeddon finds Julio in the basement of the Church trying to escape and kills Julio with his uzi. Mistress Marge pays a visit to Rwanda, who is the Church therapist. She tells Rwanda how she was sexually assaulted in college and that’s why Marge got into body building. Back in the open fields, Masked Bastard and Def face off in hand-to-hand combat. The Arch Bishop eventually over powers Def and pile-drives the red demon into the ground where Mental Ward Rehab is, destroying the underground lair and Def is the process. Only Def’s bloody head remains in the huge crater where Dr. Fap’s hideout used to be. Linz Mondello finds Masked Bastard on the side of the road and takes him back to the Church. The alien(s) Anonymous reassure the Bastard that the Book of Bastard and their identities are safe aboard the Anonymous Mothership. The Arch Bishop gives an uplifting sermon to his Bishops. Six months later, Ghoul and Indy inform Sadie that her childbirth video is a big hit online. Sadie wants to make more videos with Ghoul and Indy, but her negotiations are interrupted when Rwanda tells Sadie that Magda wants to see Sadie. On the way to see Magda, Rwanda asks what Sadie named the baby. Sadie answers, “Baruch” which means “blessed one”. Magda tells Sadie that the swelling and sores on the baby’s head have disappeared. They all gather in the Sanctuary of the Church to look upon the Saviour of the Internet in his bassinet. Sadie arrives just as her son speaks his first words: “Be cuz id mus.” Upon seeing a metal mask on her child’s face, a pissed off Sadie realizes that the father of her child was the Arch Bishop all along. Highlights *Masked Bastard kills Dr. Fap. *Mr. R Mcgeddon kills Julio. *Masked Bastard pile-drives Def into the Ward. *Baby Baruch says his first words to the Congregation. Notes End of the line, at least for this series. Issue 12 was a blast. I pulled out all the stops. I knew I had to wrap up subplots from issues 1, 2, 5 and 9. In retrospect, issues 2 and 12 are the same story. Remember: Linzy time traveled one year into the future to see the events unfold in this story. I had a lot of ends to tie up. It wasn’t easy, but it was so much friggin’ fun to do. Aliens, mutating newborns, high-speed chases, traitor assassinations and a big final fight: it don’t get no better than this. Oh, but wait. It can. It will. I like to think that all of the character have come full circle and that the reader will be back where he or she started in Issue 1. Nothing here is really tied off, merely cauterized. I just stop the bleeding. But the wound is still there. Def and his Whore will return. I can’t say the same for Dr. Fap, but there will be a new puppet master and on top of that a puppet master to that puppet master! And just so you know: the Arch Bishop hasn’t reached his full potential, he’s only rediscovering what he’s had before Issue 1. There is more to this than a man wearing a metal mask. The Mask is an idea, the embodiment of saga itself. Darnell Deepwell Bishops of Bastard: The Graphic Novel June 1, 2012 ---- Category:Bishops of Bastard series Category:Bishops of Bastard webcomics